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Baltimore Stories (4)


So that was the funny thing, whenever I was out with my buddy, I always got laid. He “taught” me, as it were, how to pick up women. I thought of him as an older brother sort of. We looked very much alike and he had just appeared one day – around the time I discovered LSD, in fact – and befriended me.

I especially remember the time we spent the weekend at his dad’s house. We’re hanging out in his room and he shows me a James Bond movie, I don’t remember which one it was. I’ve seen a couple but was never really into them. He makes jokes about his dad being a spy and how he had asked his dad once, hey dad, are there really aliens and the government is keeping it a secret? His dad says, now son I have to be serious with you, walks over to a cabinent, opens it and says, come out little buddy and has a laugh.

His dad has a pretty big and very nice house in a very tony part of Washington DC.

So ever since I met this guy, my life is one hell of a party. Drugs, liquor and so many girls I don’t even remember all of them. That weekend at his dad’s, we’re hanging around and two chicks just kind of walk up to us, flirt for maybe a few minutes, then we get in their car, drive to their place, and I fuck one of the girls while my friend fucks the other. We have a blast all weekend.

You know, all this is before I even turn 18.

Later, when my college girlfriend and I split up, I kind of wanted to make a clean break so I move to the other side of the country, and what do you know, my buddy decides to move there too. It doesn’t take long for his girlfriend to decide to split so, of course, I offer him a room in my place and the whole cycle starts again: attractive women on tap, booze, and surprisingly, serious drugs like LSD and MDMA. I have no idea who was supplying all this stuff but I was usually down to party.

Well one summer I’m not working and I need a job. All of a sudden my buddy knocks on my bedroom door and says, hey there’s this chick here to meet you. She’s at the door and she is recruiting for a company around the corner. She has a very weird name and she’s from Israel. My buddy actually seems sort of suspicious about her. Well anyway I start working at this little company.


I mean, looking back on it it’s just so surreal. I’m not a bad looking guy but all of a sudden extremely attractive women are just all over me. It doesn’t make any damn sense, it’s not like I had any money. I remember the one from Texas, she gets a job there for a week or two and then blatantly propositions me in front of people, gives me her number. I figure, sure, I’ll hang out with her and maybe get laid. I call her, she says come over, I do, she leads me straight to her bedroom.

I balk. I mean this girl is hot, smoking, and I’m usually down for casual sex, but you know I like to have some conversation first. I literally get up from her bed and say, hey let’s go have a smoke. She’s eyeing me suspiciously. I have a few drinks and tell her I’m going to go but we should hang out again.

She calls me up a few days later and invites me to her apartment and she has some dude over – an obviously gay dude. She gets really wasted, to an embarrassing degree, and this gay dude starts chatting me up. At this point, I’m like hey thanks for the beers but I’ve gotta get going. Frankly I felt insulted and it may have been one of the first times I realized that sometimes women seduce you for, I dunno, how do you put this? Reasons other than what you would think. It’s kind of funny, I can laugh 20 something years later, but at the time I thought “hey maybe this is the FBI and they are trying to infiltrate our really radical activist group where we are like totally helping the cause about something or other.”

This group fit me perfectly. It was, essentially, a cult – secular/political not religious like I was used to – and there were girls that were happy to have sex with me, which not only made my physically happy but also stroked my ego.

I had met this kid at this company that kind of reminds me of this kid I knew in school, so we become friends and hung out. One day, after I had quit the company, my friend says, “hey you should meet this new girl that started working at the place.” This totally cute and kind of white trashy looking girl comes over – just my type. She says she is 18 and I hope to god she was, but well it would not have surprised me if she was 17.


Then at some point the Israeli chick takes me home. Just the one night at her place.

I didn’t know it, but about that time my good friend from college had just gotten a job at the … New York.

Over the next two years, I basically get my shit together, get a real job, meet a pretty girl from work and fall in love with her. The company goes out of business so my friend from college says, “hey want to move to New York? You could come work for us.”

I’m like, sure sounds awesome!

Ok, so, back to the Baltimore story. I’m driving through suburban Maryland with my junkie friend Dave and 500 hits of LSD. We’re driving down the road and all of a sudden see flashing lights behind us.


3 comments on “Baltimore Stories (4)

  1. Hipster Racist
    July 17, 2015

    Reblogged this on Hipster Racist and commented:

    50 Shades of Spoooky

  2. Pingback: The Life and Times of Hipster Racist | Hipster Racist

  3. Pingback: Kinky Sex Fetish: A Manhattan Murder Mystery 13 | Hipster Racist


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